i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
