she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
