We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
