Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
