FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And then he peed in my hair
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