Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
