What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
