good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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