I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You don't make any sense
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