I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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