I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
