so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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