THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
