the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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