My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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