i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
