My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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