i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
