yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
