I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
