I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
