if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
