Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
