Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
