Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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