we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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