i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
