[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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