I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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