omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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