Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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