Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
