Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
