"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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