I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
