I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
