I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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