Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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