that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We just shotgunned beers for America
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
