This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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