oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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