we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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