Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
