Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
