Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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