just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
