Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
