Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
