So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
