Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
